The Dawn of a New Day

Monday, July 25, 2005

"If a guy so perfect, so pristine can hurt me so much, how about the rest of the male population? what chance is there? And that's when i think that, maybe a bad boy is better. Because with bad boys, you'll expect the hurts and agony anyway. But with good boys, you give everything to the relationship and when you finally get disappointed, you bleed yourself dry."

I read this on a friend's blog as i was blog browsing today... and what she wrote connected with me so deeply. but that is not to say that i doubt him now.. it may still represent my innermost fears, but we have agreed to move forward and leave the wrongs we both did to each other behind.. i see the effort he's putting into making things right for us.. his constant reassurance to keep my fluctuating emotions and insecurities at bay.. i wish i wasn't like this. i wish i was confident of myself and of him.. and i guess right now the only way is to look to god to change me and remove all my doubts and insecurities..

on a lighter note, i've stopped work as of Saturday.. and today i'm just bumming around waiting for school to start tomorrow(i'm taking qm for 3b)... part of me misses the people at my workplace, but the rest of me is pretty much relieved that my duties are over.. the last couple of days were really boring and stressful.. racing against time doing something so repetitive..

last night i was particularly upset over a certain matter. initially i told myself not to be bothered about it and was preparing to go to sleep. but as i was brushing my teeth, tears started streaming down my face.. i feel pathetic that i care so much about this, and i really wish i didn't, because it's not worth it to cry over this. but i really wanted someone to talk to, so i called him. though it was late and he had to get up early the next day, he patiently listened to me, offered gentle advice and soothed me.. he made lame jokes that fell flat but continued to try till i cracked a smile.. and by the time i felt better, he only had three hours left to crash out. it's little things like this that endear him to me.. because he'd go a mile further than any other friend would.

as i'm blogging i suddenly realise that it's 12.49pm and i haven't had breakfast. shall shoot off to the kitchen now. tataz

12:49 PM
still alive, but not kicking.