it is the venemous sting of betrayal that eats into me, compounded by the fact that my dignity has been outraged and respect for me was conveniently cast aside in the persuit of your corrupted pleasure.

it is the flawed excuses and brazen denials that incense me, and the naive trust i had in you complete with the foolish belief in your simplicity and innocence that riles me.

it is the enchanting future i conjured up with you that i mourn for, and the years of laughter and tenderness we shared that tug painfully at the heartstrings.

it is the lingering concern i have for you and the reluctance to concede to the finality of this that confuses me endlessly. it is the fear of taking the next step alone, without your hand in mine, that keeps me shuffling my feet.

yet the hurt, disappointment and distrust that now engulfs me keeps me distanced from you, and the words i've seen and heard replaying in my head relentlessly generate bitterness and pain ceaselessly in my heart.

you've brought us to the point of no return, and no amount of apology can revive the quiet confidence i used to have in you. i'm shocked, yes, but perhaps it's retribution for the agony i brought to you over the past few months and the petulance i displayed that triggered it all.

My saving grace is anchored in the hope that numbness will wash over after every tear has fallen....and then this pain in my heart will fade away.. together with you and our memories.



by the way, believe it or not, in my last entry, the last paragraph from a song by corrinne may, was meant for you. the irony of it. my self-confidence has been thoughtlessly shattered in more ways than one