The Dawn of a New Day

Saturday, May 07, 2005

today, i have decided to MOVE ON.

been stuck in the rut for way too long... in fact, haven't been living or acting much like a sane human being for the past few days... but i guess cooping myself up at home is even worse. i burst into tears for no apparent reason say four times a day.. and i watch teevee 12 hours straight.. i even watch suria with NO english subtitles.. hahaah how pathetic. anyway, mom and dad are away on holiday so i gotta do all the dirty laundry--gag.

ive been wondering and thinking about many many things these days.. since i have so much time on my hands and so little to do.. thought of what i want right now... how i should live my days.. but mainly about relationships. i don't know whether as a person, i was ever mature enough, or ever will be mature enough, to handle such a delicate thing. from what i see, it's better that i had stayed away from it. i used to think of relationships as roads leading to marriage. but somewhere along the road, i think i changed my view of it. so when you're in a relationship, are you supposed to shun all evil or keep your options open? my parents and friends have always told me never to keep my options closed, until the day of marriage. but in that case, aren't relationships scary? you devote all these years of your youth to a person in a relationship and one day, the person just turns his/her back on you because he/she has better options? is that fair? so if i enter into a relationship again... which is the best way to go? guess the typical response would be "don't think so far ahead.. just take a step at a time" which i would equate to keeping my options open. *shrug* maybe so.

anyway, it was just one of many things i thought about.. might not make much sense, but ack, whatever.. i've decided to stop thinking for once, and maybe things will be simpler. which is why now i will not torture myself with possible interpretations of his actions anymore.. i initiated it, i deserve it, i should have expected it. and for once, i should stick to my decisions instead of being so weak and fickle. it's time to move on.

2:22 PM
still alive, but not kicking.